A Bit of Wit, Mk. 2

I said I'd bite, so here we go, with questions from speccygeekgrrl42!

1. If photography wasn't an option, what do you think your primary creative medium would have been?

I initially went to college for creative writing before I was forced to withdraw. When I returned to college, I realized I was a better photographer than a writer, so I changed majors to art. Other possibilities would have been music, as I very much enjoy singing, or theater.


2. Since photography is your primary creative medium, share a few pieces you're most proud of! Why are these the standouts?

Anytime I’m asked to share some of my favorite works, it’s like asking me to choose between my non-existent children. XD I could literally write a thesis because I don’t dislike any photograph I’ve made a finished, completed edit of. I’m not one of those artists who dislikes their own work in the pursuit of some sort of total perfection. With that said, I think the works I am most proud of are my nudes, as they comprise probably the biggest chunk of my overall portfolio and give a very clear timeline showing the evolution of my work, particularly as it comes to lighting and composition. In recent years, I’ve also been exploring sexuality and queerness, which has become far more personal to me since coming out publicly as bisexual and polyamorous, married to a trans enby, and finding out just how many of my friends are somewhere on the rainbow. My Pieces Of series, in particular, which I’ve been doing for over a decade now, are some my absolute favorites, and has given me endless inspiration that I hope continues. The following images are NSFW, so I will hide them under a cut if nudity makes people uncomfortable.

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3. What video game do you wish everyone could experience?

Horizon Zero Dawn. It’s such an emotional experience, showing a plausible future a thousand years in the future after the world was destroyed by capitalism, and how humanity is rebuilding thanks to the work of a small group of people who ensured that life would return even in the face of total annihilation. Also I just have a soft spot for actors Ashly Burch and the late, great Lance Reddick.

The obligatory repost of the rules for this meme:

If you want me to interview you, post a comment that simply says, "Interview me." I'll respond with 3 questions for you to take back to your own journal and answer as a post. Of course, they'll be different for each person since this is an interview and not a general survey. At the bottom of your post, after answering the Interviewer's questions, you ask if anyone wants to be interviewed. So it becomes your turn— in the comments, you ask them any questions you have for them to take back to their journals and answer. And so it becomes the circle.

Well, I guess it's time for me to once again dust this old thing off.

Looks like business here is about to pick up with the demise of Pillowfort. 

I genuinely don't understand how you introverts out there enjoy life without human contact. I'm sitting here going on week 3 of my spouse's latest round in Buffalo/Canada, I've had virtually no human contact (certainly no physical contact) and I'm going absolutely mad, losing sleep, and resorting to edibles to get my brain to shut the fuck up because it's gone into a meltdown over how alone and lonely I feel. Then again, I suppose if you're an introvert, you probably wonder the same thing about us extroverts, and how the hell we could possibly enjoy constantly being social because eww humans.

And while I'm in a mood, I'm so fucking sick of always being the friend who reaches out, checks in, says hi, and is the first to initiate plans. There's almost no one in my life who does the same for me. I'd love to be on the receiving end for once for someone to reach out and say they miss MY face and wants to plan some time with ME for a change, rather than it always being the other way around. 

So provided everything behaves itself, I will be doing an NSFW art stream over on Picarto tonight and FINALLY start working on the images from my last nude shoot...from September. That's how busy I've been. Starting around 7:30 PM ET. picarto.tv/BJFPhotography

Soon 2026 will arrive and with it, a slew of resolutions of which 99% of people will fail at within the first week. I don’t resolve, but I do have hope, and if it happens, great, and if not, that’s okay too.

This year, for many reasons, sucked. ( Read more... )

Being child-free when the majority of your friends are parents is an incredibly lonely and isolating experience, because more often than not, you become an afterthought in your friends' lives.

Related: I really need to find new people who aren't so goddamn straight, monogamous, and socially normal. Swear to god, once they all had kids, it's like they all gave up on all their hopes, dreams, and ambitions that don't center around home and family.

Like seemingly everyone else, because that's what's expected.

Well, since the last time I posted, I have definitely gotten back into my art. I've done three shoots, bought a new camera, and have been getting back into streaming more often again.

I am still doing things to be more social and trying to make more friends, but, holy hell, it's so much harder making friends in your 40s. Add being bi, poly, and demisexual to the mix. So I'm trying to find my queer community. I love my friends dearly, but the majority of them are way too straight and monogamous, and...frankly, kind of boring. XD

Although, speaking of boredom, I’m reacquainting myself with it.

For the sake of my mental health, I’ve been slowly consuming less and less internet. I’ve removed all social media apps from my phone to keep me from doomscrolling as well as all the games from it. News websites are blocked. All I have on my phone are various messaging apps and that’s about it. Just overall less using my phone as a way to fill in the gaps of quiet sprinkled throughout my workday. For months now, my desire to stay sane has overruled my desire to stay well-informed, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

It means going back to things I used to do when I didn’t have a device that kept me tethered at all times. Reading, puzzle books, more listening to music on my iPod, that sort of thing. If I could, I’d bring my Switch to the office, but that’d get frowned upon. But sometimes, I just do nothing. It means my world is a bit quieter, and even more so when Ethan’s in Buffalo. The less time I spend on the outrage machine that is the Internet, and social media in particular, the better.

But that quieter existence I’m trying to return to doesn’t come without some cost. Between that, therapy, and figuring out myself, it’s making me re-evaluate some things. Looking at my existing connections a bit differently, including my relationships and friendships. I’m very well aware I’m a loudmouth, the extrovert, the one who’s constantly reaching out to people, checking in, seeing how people are doing, trying to make plans, etc. And I’m also aware that social media has robbed us all of genuine connection. Social media is a performance, and just by its very shallow and superficial nature, especially in the age of algorithms that spoon-feed us things it thinks we want to see, means that you don’t really need to catch up with people. You can just see what they post, and go on with your day.

But what if I just stopped sharing my life on FB constantly and deactivated it? Are we all just trying so hard to survive each day that no one notices? Have each of us just reached a default state of burnout? What kind of life is this?

As time passes, I am realizing that there’s actually very few people in my life who actually reach out to me, check in on me, see how I’m doing, catch up with me. A lot of my friendships are, for a variety of reasons, one-sided. Many of us are anxiety-riddled, depressed, overworked messes. A lot of us are introverts (how do I attract so many?). Between work, children, health issues, the state of the world, or any combination thereof, it’s a wonder more of us are not addicts. Who has time for other people, let alone ourselves, when just existing in today’s world wears you down to nothing on a daily basis? There’s no time for connection, creation, or passions. Or even rest.

Humans are social creatures. Something has to change. Living in our own private isolation chambers is not sustainable, and I don’t really know what the answer to this is, for there is no one answer. Our world genuinely sucks right now, and despair and apathy and fatigue reign supreme. And social media profits off it. Our news profits off it. Maybe it begins by us being genuinely emotionally, mentally, and physically connected with each other again. Real talk. Conversations. Being in each others’ company and seeing faces. I don’t know, but it seems preferable to an emotionless thumbs-up or heart reaction, at least to me.

Or maybe I’m just talking out of my ass. It’s what happens when I don’t have my phone to distract me.

It certainly says something about my mental state when I see an announcement that a friend of mine is pregnant with her 2nd kid and my immediate first thought is, rather than a congratulations, "why? Why the fuck would you want to bring another child into this shitty timeline?"