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Writer's Block: How could you?
Friday, 21 January 2011 22:16[Error: unknown template qotd]
I have to ask--what is the question's definition of cheating? Because I have a specific definition on what it is, and it's what I'm going to base this reply on. And that is this--having sex with someone else while in an relationship (be it dating, marriage, etc) is not cheating. Having sex with someone else while in a relationship and then lying, being sneaky and furtive about it, and not having permission from your significant other, is.
Human nature is a very fickle thing. It is my belief that the context we call "cheating" is entirely a religious construct--after all, people had been behaving like any other animal species long before the advent of God and monogamy, and answer me this? How did we become so diverse a species? Not all humans could've just procreated with a single, life-long partner.
Basic biology tells us that human males, like any other male animal on this planet, are biologically programmed to have sex and reproduce with as many different females as possible. This ensures genetic variation and also survival of the species. Yet, thanks to the artificial blocks created by religion, suddenly it became a sin and a crime to perform one of our most basic biological functions. How many long-term, stable relationships have been ruined by this social construct?
When one is in a committed, long-term loving and stable relationship--for the sake of this post, I'm going to use a heterosexual relationship, since I'm talking about standard human reproduction--there's an emotional bond. For example, the relationship I have with my wife is on very firm ground. We know each other, we care for each other, and we can always turn to each other for support. We communicate well, and we have our own interests. We have been together for nearly 7 years, and in that time, we have grown to love each other very deeply.
However, despite all this, we do have sexual urges and desires--sometimes not directed toward each other. We are human, after all--it goes back to that basic biology I mentioned. Instinctual and hormonal desires can be a powerful thing. I'll be the first to admit that there are times where I'm in the company of a female friend and would love nothing more than to bang the hell out of them--and have, with permission from April. This in no way is a poor reflection on my wife. This is not indicative of marital strain; April and I are NOT having serious problems. All this demonstrates is a momentary mutual, sexual attraction between myself and said female friend.
I don't think absolute, total monogamy is the way to go. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that a long-time, stable, loving, happy relationship (those are the key words, people)--something that both people take years to work on, nurture, and keep happy--can suddenly be evaporated in an instant if the guy has an intimate moment with a female friend of his, or vice versa: if the girl has a male friend she's sexually attracted to and has sex with. Do you know how bloody awkward it is to hang out with a female friend that you want to have sex with (and know that she wants to bang you in return) and have the fear of eternal damnation screaming in your brain? It makes for a very uncomfortable time, walking around with a seemingly-eternal erection, trying desperately to keep it in your pants because you're scared God (or your significant other) will strike you dead for acting on a purely natural impulse. This is what religion (which has also become a societal norm) can do; suddenly make your life absolute hell because you acted on an impulse which has been instilled in every human being since we first became sexual creatures. Keep in mind, I am not using human evolution and biology as an excuse for being promiscuous; we do have brains, consciousness, and consciences. All I'm saying is that if there's a possibility that I might end up in bed with a friend, April is always in the know.
If April wanted to have sex with another guy because she really wants to jump him (and said guy wants to do the same), I have absolutely no problem with it--all I ask is that I know about potential and/or said encounter, and if protection gets used, and that I know about potential and/or said encounter. Just keep everyone in the know. After all, April is not my property. I have no control over her body, or what she wants to do with it. I can say that with absolute certainty, because I know that I'm the one she wants to be with forever. As I said, we love each other very much; why should something so basic as instinct and hormones ruin what is a wonderful, happy relationship.
So to answer the question posed above: if April had sex with someone against my wishes and then lied about it, I would take her back. Why? Because I did that once, and she took me back. And at this point in our relationship, I'd be such an asshole if I didn't give her the same second chance.
I have to ask--what is the question's definition of cheating? Because I have a specific definition on what it is, and it's what I'm going to base this reply on. And that is this--having sex with someone else while in an relationship (be it dating, marriage, etc) is not cheating. Having sex with someone else while in a relationship and then lying, being sneaky and furtive about it, and not having permission from your significant other, is.
Human nature is a very fickle thing. It is my belief that the context we call "cheating" is entirely a religious construct--after all, people had been behaving like any other animal species long before the advent of God and monogamy, and answer me this? How did we become so diverse a species? Not all humans could've just procreated with a single, life-long partner.
Basic biology tells us that human males, like any other male animal on this planet, are biologically programmed to have sex and reproduce with as many different females as possible. This ensures genetic variation and also survival of the species. Yet, thanks to the artificial blocks created by religion, suddenly it became a sin and a crime to perform one of our most basic biological functions. How many long-term, stable relationships have been ruined by this social construct?
When one is in a committed, long-term loving and stable relationship--for the sake of this post, I'm going to use a heterosexual relationship, since I'm talking about standard human reproduction--there's an emotional bond. For example, the relationship I have with my wife is on very firm ground. We know each other, we care for each other, and we can always turn to each other for support. We communicate well, and we have our own interests. We have been together for nearly 7 years, and in that time, we have grown to love each other very deeply.
However, despite all this, we do have sexual urges and desires--sometimes not directed toward each other. We are human, after all--it goes back to that basic biology I mentioned. Instinctual and hormonal desires can be a powerful thing. I'll be the first to admit that there are times where I'm in the company of a female friend and would love nothing more than to bang the hell out of them--and have, with permission from April. This in no way is a poor reflection on my wife. This is not indicative of marital strain; April and I are NOT having serious problems. All this demonstrates is a momentary mutual, sexual attraction between myself and said female friend.
I don't think absolute, total monogamy is the way to go. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that a long-time, stable, loving, happy relationship (those are the key words, people)--something that both people take years to work on, nurture, and keep happy--can suddenly be evaporated in an instant if the guy has an intimate moment with a female friend of his, or vice versa: if the girl has a male friend she's sexually attracted to and has sex with. Do you know how bloody awkward it is to hang out with a female friend that you want to have sex with (and know that she wants to bang you in return) and have the fear of eternal damnation screaming in your brain? It makes for a very uncomfortable time, walking around with a seemingly-eternal erection, trying desperately to keep it in your pants because you're scared God (or your significant other) will strike you dead for acting on a purely natural impulse. This is what religion (which has also become a societal norm) can do; suddenly make your life absolute hell because you acted on an impulse which has been instilled in every human being since we first became sexual creatures. Keep in mind, I am not using human evolution and biology as an excuse for being promiscuous; we do have brains, consciousness, and consciences. All I'm saying is that if there's a possibility that I might end up in bed with a friend, April is always in the know.
If April wanted to have sex with another guy because she really wants to jump him (and said guy wants to do the same), I have absolutely no problem with it--all I ask is that I know about potential and/or said encounter, and if protection gets used, and that I know about potential and/or said encounter. Just keep everyone in the know. After all, April is not my property. I have no control over her body, or what she wants to do with it. I can say that with absolute certainty, because I know that I'm the one she wants to be with forever. As I said, we love each other very much; why should something so basic as instinct and hormones ruin what is a wonderful, happy relationship.
So to answer the question posed above: if April had sex with someone against my wishes and then lied about it, I would take her back. Why? Because I did that once, and she took me back. And at this point in our relationship, I'd be such an asshole if I didn't give her the same second chance.
