Status report, number one.

First off, thanks to everyone who gave me an ear for my ranting last night.
Secondly, thanks to everyone who left me feedback, comments, and advice.

I've now come to fully realize that my grandmother is a certifiable whackjob, and that much of the household problems stem from her desire to control. So, I'll just do what I have been doing, being myself. However, a couple of changes. Now, as a definite result of this war, that impacts me in the fact of this: my mom uses Grandma's car to pick me up from work nearly every night, since Bob has the van for his job. You can now bet that Grandma will refuse to let Mom use her car to pick me up, so this means one of a few things:

a) I find a ride with someone every night. I am asking my Wal-Mart friends who read this if they could please give me a ride home from work. I'll gladly pay your gas money.

b) I break out the bike sooner than I need to, buy some parts for it, repair it, and use that every night I work.

c) I walk home every night, which wouldn't be too bad, exercise wise...but it's an hour walk. I've done it, and it's the least preferred option.

And so the war continues--right now, an uneasy calm.

I myself didn't sleep well last night--after the night's events, I did not fall asleep until 5 AM, and was woken up by Mom at 11, because we were going out for the day.

I'm not pissed off anymore...but I'm just wiped. I need a good night's sleep, and I'm going to bed right after I update my contest.

Once again, thanks, everyone.

Nighty night, all.

Excuse me? Excuse me? COULD YOU LET ME OUT OF HERE?!

Stupid no-overtime rule at Wal-Mart. Hell, I'd take one of those air mattresses in sporting goods and sleep on that. Better than being in this shithole.

Tonight has been a very rough night for me. I got home...and realized that I shouldn't have. I was actually in the Wal-Mart parking lot, in the van, until 10, while Bob talked to my aunt Janna about the goings on. Janna has been called in as the mediator. And as I would find out later, now Janna too is wrapped up in this mess.

So we come home, I shower, and Bob calls me into the room because he's watching the "Power of Intention," and during that...Janna came into his room, tears streaming. Janna had just finished talking to Grandma, and Grandma was her condescending usual. Janna has lost all respect for her mom now. As I had stated before, what happened in this house when Grandma arrived...Grandma assumed control as head of house, and now she's a guest in here. Grandma has been, and is, the matriarch.

1 AM rolls around, and Grandma comes home, plastered, and is screaming at Bob, pounding on his door, barging in with the obscenities and verbal bashing, accusing Bob of contaminating the kids, accusing him of everything, this entire mess, waking everyone up in the process. David and Matilda come down to comfort her, and the three group. I get off the phone with April, and I talk to Grandma, Matilda, and David, very calmly.

Once again, my words do nothing. They fall on deaf ears. I'm 19, but I'm not stupid. I'm probably the most level-headed one in this whole house...but no one listens to me. Even though I know that, somewhere in my mind tells me that they can't be that thick. They can't block out all reason and logic. They can't be so much like bricks...

...but they are. Everyone is adamant that they are right. And no one will make them see otherwise. I wasn't going to stand back and watch them bash my parents like that. So, I was very calm about it. Yet, Grandma, being drunk, has no wits. Nor does she have any left. She has gone off the deep end.

So, after everyone left again, I went in to Bob's room...and I broke down, and cried on his shoulder. It hurts...it hurts so much to see my family getting bashed like that, it hurts seeing that everyone is so swallowed up in their goddamned, fucking desire to be right that they are blind. And so, we have reached an impasse. Separation looks imminent. We can't stay here anymore, and I'm gathering Bob is gonna start looking for places on the Cape.

He apologized to me...he told me he was sorry for bringing me home...shit, I'm crying again. He has nothing to be sorry for...

April and I have a contingency plan...should I want out, I'll have to talk to April's parents, to see if they can put up with me for a month or two.

Suddenly, that plan is a very real option. I want out. I don't want to be here anymore. It won't be long now.

I probably won't sleep much tonight, but I need to. Luckily, I'm off tomorrow.

Only adding to my stress is that I'm surrounded by drunks and potheads...Grandma came home drunk, Rob's drunk and stoned, and Jim is now stoned. That's all I need.

I want to be back in Ramapo again...I wish Bob never went ahead and bought this house. And to think, I've been coming to this house for over 10 years...it was a place that held a lot of good memories for me. Now, it's become my prison, and I don't want to be here ever again.

I want a hug. I want reassurance that it'll be ok, that all this is...is a really, really bad dream, and that I'll wake up and have April beside me. I want to leave. Leave and never return. Or kick Grandma out, whatever comes first.

No one should deserve this. But I need to try to sleep.

First, I need to compose myself, then I can sleep.

Nighty night, all.