I wanna be part of the Goatface club.

It's unusual that I have days that are just thoroughly bad. Today was one of them...and the work friends noticed it. I had walked around most of the day with a look of just sheer depression on my face, Brianna, Lindsay and a couple others noticing. While it was really nothing at work bugging me--the usual customer stupidity and usual understaffing--I still was angry. And you probably have already guessed it by now. My stepfather continues to be angry at me for turning him down. However, it wasn't that which pissed me off. When we talked today on my way to work, I had discovered that my mom (God bless her) stuck up for me and had a nice argument with Bob about the whole calling me a Jew (Jew in the nasty, negative stereotype, the stereotype that Jews are stingy, selfish bastards). And of course, even though their argument was with them, my stepfather is flinging at me the effects of the argument, throwing snide one-liners at me. So, according to my stepfather, I'm a selfish person, and I'd rather "think with my penis" (the whole apartment thing and being with April) than aid someone who stood a chance (tiny) of going to jail for this whole court-ex-lover-child support thingy. THAT is why I'm pissed. And to think, this is the same person who tells me that saving, budgeting and spending my money wisely is a good thing, the same person who tells me that he doesn't want me ending up in the same financial shit he's in, the same person who tells me I'm coming of age where I can start my own life.

Then, why does the word HYPOCRITE come to mind?

So, this was what I went to work with. He called me again while I was on lunch, telling me that I shouldn't be confusing his "Jew" with those of Judaism. And he once again told me what I already knew--I don't trust him with money. And he's absolutely right. I don't. Money goes through his hands like sand. He loves to spend. He can't budget for shit. The money of which he was going to use for his lawyer went to non-essential bills like cable and phone. So what if we don't have TV or high-speed internet for a little while? I've got dial-up. We could go without the phone for a while--I mean, Heather's on it 5 hours a day. Nearly everyone in this house has a cell phone. He should follow the example--if you have money saved, earmarked for a purpose, don't spend it on frivolous shit, like his damn survellience system he has in his room. Don't touch those funds unless you're in dire emergency: cable, high-speed internet, and phone use is not a dire emergency. Don't use your children as sources of income. We are not living in an agricultural society--we don't have children for the sole purpose of supporting ourselves anymore. Children are more accidents nowadays. We've got 6 full-time working adults in this house. How is it that Bob is having so much trouble? Because he spends his money unwisely, and when he REALLY does need it, he doesn't have it and goes to the other moneymakers--Rob, myself, Grandma, David, other relatives, whatever.

And yet, I'm a selfish person who can't have a goal to live with his love and go back to college. I think with my dick rather than bail someone out of a legal bind. I see.

So, this shall prompt me to write another letter, this time, all to him. You can only push a man so far before he wants to push back. Enough is enough. Call me a Jew. Call me selfish. I'm gonna prove you wrong shortly when I do get the apartment, this "pipe dream" you called it back in December when I was angry for having to leave college.

So, yes, Bob, we understand each other very well. I have no faith in you, financially speaking.

Sorry for you who read this. I needed to get some of it off my chest. All of it will be coming out in my letter to him...which when I'm done, I shall post.

Nighty night, all.