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Wednesday, 31 August 2005
Towers like pink sepia.
Wednesday, 31 August 2005 10:57Yesterday...quite a meh day. Downright shitty, actually, but reversed itself in the end.
It began when I got an email reply from Sarah, regarding the possible trip to Oklahoma in November. Her boy strongly objected to it, and so as to not hurt his feelings, she felt it best that I not come visit. Needless to say, I got depressed. Unusually so. Usually when things don't go in my favor, I usually shrug them off and move on to the next page. However, this left me very bummed, and it carried with me all the way to work and stayed there for the whole day. When I got home and began to chat with April on the subject, she began to nitpick at my brain--she has this wonderful habit of seeing what I do not. Yes, she wasn't thrilled with the idea either, but she told me that she can't dictate who I can and can't hang out with. However, I came to the conclusion, with April's help, why I felt so unusually bummed.
Some tiny part of me still hasn't let her go. Yes, it's been a year since we saw each other, but some part of me still longs for that romantic relationship again, back to the way things were from time before. It's that tiny part of me that's making me so damn impatient to see her again...we've tried 3 times since last August to make plans...each time I got my hopes up really high, and each time that plans got shot down, I have felt like this. And I think I know now that should I have gone in November, I would be at war with my conscience...because my impulses would be telling me one thing, and my conscience would go the opposite. I'm not ready yet, and I don't want to put myself in a position where something could happen that could end up in ruining the precious relationships that both Sarah and I are in. While we fully intend on seeing each other again...I want to wait until I no longer desire Sarah, wait until that last part of me lets her go. More time will do that. Both April and Sarah understand, and both are supportive.
Coming to those realizations last night were a cruel shock to reality once again. I hate those. Sometimes I hate being overly optimistic. It blinds my perception of realism.
So, that email was the START of my day. Went to work, and apparently there was an incident in which I was being rushed, having to deal with multiple customers. I was ringing up an associate who got pics there, and I guess I was a bit too hasty, and not giving her my "full, undivided attention." So, she complained about me to Laurie, my department manager. Laurie gave me a slight talking, just giving me a heads up. Apparently that particular associate loves to complain about other associates. She works in the Accounting office--a number-crunching paper pusher, says April. Doesn't work with other associates or customers, and has no salesfloor experience. Personally, I dislike everyone in the Accounting office. Every time I go there to get keys, return them, get and return a money bag, they look at me as if I have 9 heads and carry facial expressions like they have a pole up their ass.
I also got out 20 minutes late because Wal-Mart's favorite kiss-ass (a fellow Photo associate of mine) took an 80 minute lunch, making me get out 20 minutes late. But I didn't care about tacking on that overtime...by the end of the night, I was irritable, starting with Sarah's replied email, and ending with the normal crap at work. Came home, had a long chat with April, came online, had a long chat with Sarah, and the day finally ended on a positive.
But now...it's time for me to head to work. The latest battles have been posted in the previous post. Vote!
I love you, April! :)
It began when I got an email reply from Sarah, regarding the possible trip to Oklahoma in November. Her boy strongly objected to it, and so as to not hurt his feelings, she felt it best that I not come visit. Needless to say, I got depressed. Unusually so. Usually when things don't go in my favor, I usually shrug them off and move on to the next page. However, this left me very bummed, and it carried with me all the way to work and stayed there for the whole day. When I got home and began to chat with April on the subject, she began to nitpick at my brain--she has this wonderful habit of seeing what I do not. Yes, she wasn't thrilled with the idea either, but she told me that she can't dictate who I can and can't hang out with. However, I came to the conclusion, with April's help, why I felt so unusually bummed.
Some tiny part of me still hasn't let her go. Yes, it's been a year since we saw each other, but some part of me still longs for that romantic relationship again, back to the way things were from time before. It's that tiny part of me that's making me so damn impatient to see her again...we've tried 3 times since last August to make plans...each time I got my hopes up really high, and each time that plans got shot down, I have felt like this. And I think I know now that should I have gone in November, I would be at war with my conscience...because my impulses would be telling me one thing, and my conscience would go the opposite. I'm not ready yet, and I don't want to put myself in a position where something could happen that could end up in ruining the precious relationships that both Sarah and I are in. While we fully intend on seeing each other again...I want to wait until I no longer desire Sarah, wait until that last part of me lets her go. More time will do that. Both April and Sarah understand, and both are supportive.
Coming to those realizations last night were a cruel shock to reality once again. I hate those. Sometimes I hate being overly optimistic. It blinds my perception of realism.
So, that email was the START of my day. Went to work, and apparently there was an incident in which I was being rushed, having to deal with multiple customers. I was ringing up an associate who got pics there, and I guess I was a bit too hasty, and not giving her my "full, undivided attention." So, she complained about me to Laurie, my department manager. Laurie gave me a slight talking, just giving me a heads up. Apparently that particular associate loves to complain about other associates. She works in the Accounting office--a number-crunching paper pusher, says April. Doesn't work with other associates or customers, and has no salesfloor experience. Personally, I dislike everyone in the Accounting office. Every time I go there to get keys, return them, get and return a money bag, they look at me as if I have 9 heads and carry facial expressions like they have a pole up their ass.
I also got out 20 minutes late because Wal-Mart's favorite kiss-ass (a fellow Photo associate of mine) took an 80 minute lunch, making me get out 20 minutes late. But I didn't care about tacking on that overtime...by the end of the night, I was irritable, starting with Sarah's replied email, and ending with the normal crap at work. Came home, had a long chat with April, came online, had a long chat with Sarah, and the day finally ended on a positive.
But now...it's time for me to head to work. The latest battles have been posted in the previous post. Vote!
I love you, April! :)
