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The times, they are a-changin'.
Tuesday, 4 February 2025 10:56A new chapter in my life began this past weekend.
My spouse moved to Buffalo. More specifically, he will be splitting his time between here in Albany and Buffalo. Having two partners, myself and Rosemary, he, understandably and fairly, wants to spend his time more equitably between us. Not to mention that he’s a major part of her kids’ lives, essentially family to them, and he wants to spend more time with them and see them grow.
Living on his own is also an experience he’s wanted to have for YEARS. He’s never done it before. He’s always shared living space his entire life, be it at home, college, and then me. (His wandering foot has also been part of the reason that we’ve moved house 8 times in 20 years XD).
So how this is going to work is that he’s going to spend a couple weeks here, a couple weeks there, give or take, keeping his job and working out of both Albany and Buffalo.
It’s a new experience for me as well. For the first time in my life, I too am more or less living on my own. I’ve never had the experience of living the sort of single bachelor life, as I’ve also shared living space with someone my whole life. It’s going to be a whole new thing coming home from work to a (mostly) empty house, cooking and cleaning for one, sleeping alone, and maintaining upkeep of a home for one. I’m a colossal extrovert, so I don’t expect to keep to myself and be a hermit.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m experiencing an entire range of emotions. On the one hand, I’m thrilled and excited for him to have this experience. He’s got my full support. Ethan prioritizing and advocating for himself is incredibly important to me, as is his relationship with Rosemary. We are both much different people than we were even just a couple of years ago, even beyond the obvious, and I’m curious to see how this will make us grow as people. As out and proud queer and polyamorous individuals, the path ahead is full of potential.
On the other, this is eating me up so much. Change is big and scary and full of uncertainty. Old childhood fears of abandonment have resurfaced. The old security blankets of perceived monogamy and passing as a straight couple are gone. Add the anti-trans bullshit our government's engaging in for good measure. There is a part of my brain that’s absolutely convinced I’ll never see Ethan again, which is categorically untrue (for fuck’s sake, he’s going to be here the next few weekends), but I’m going to let my brain have its tantrum and get it out of my system. Repression will do me no good.
And before you ask: our marriage is fine. In fact, it’s gotten stronger these past couple of years. Thank therapy, oh my fucking god. I wish I started seeing a therapist years ago. Better late than never, I suppose.
A new adventure awaits. Such is life. The only way is onward.
My spouse moved to Buffalo. More specifically, he will be splitting his time between here in Albany and Buffalo. Having two partners, myself and Rosemary, he, understandably and fairly, wants to spend his time more equitably between us. Not to mention that he’s a major part of her kids’ lives, essentially family to them, and he wants to spend more time with them and see them grow.
Living on his own is also an experience he’s wanted to have for YEARS. He’s never done it before. He’s always shared living space his entire life, be it at home, college, and then me. (His wandering foot has also been part of the reason that we’ve moved house 8 times in 20 years XD).
So how this is going to work is that he’s going to spend a couple weeks here, a couple weeks there, give or take, keeping his job and working out of both Albany and Buffalo.
It’s a new experience for me as well. For the first time in my life, I too am more or less living on my own. I’ve never had the experience of living the sort of single bachelor life, as I’ve also shared living space with someone my whole life. It’s going to be a whole new thing coming home from work to a (mostly) empty house, cooking and cleaning for one, sleeping alone, and maintaining upkeep of a home for one. I’m a colossal extrovert, so I don’t expect to keep to myself and be a hermit.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m experiencing an entire range of emotions. On the one hand, I’m thrilled and excited for him to have this experience. He’s got my full support. Ethan prioritizing and advocating for himself is incredibly important to me, as is his relationship with Rosemary. We are both much different people than we were even just a couple of years ago, even beyond the obvious, and I’m curious to see how this will make us grow as people. As out and proud queer and polyamorous individuals, the path ahead is full of potential.
On the other, this is eating me up so much. Change is big and scary and full of uncertainty. Old childhood fears of abandonment have resurfaced. The old security blankets of perceived monogamy and passing as a straight couple are gone. Add the anti-trans bullshit our government's engaging in for good measure. There is a part of my brain that’s absolutely convinced I’ll never see Ethan again, which is categorically untrue (for fuck’s sake, he’s going to be here the next few weekends), but I’m going to let my brain have its tantrum and get it out of my system. Repression will do me no good.
And before you ask: our marriage is fine. In fact, it’s gotten stronger these past couple of years. Thank therapy, oh my fucking god. I wish I started seeing a therapist years ago. Better late than never, I suppose.
A new adventure awaits. Such is life. The only way is onward.
