The rain outside seems to fit my current mood...kind of blah...but with the emotional rollercoaster I went on these last two days, I feel much better. I was so worried, scared, and apologetic, that I had a dull pain in my chest for the duration...and today, it was probably its worst, to the point where I almost threw up, the stress that great.
Somewhere deep in the back of my mind, I knew. I knew that the dream bubble would burst, but refused to accept it. For 4 months, I refused to accept it, just kept pushing reality's advances back into the dark recesses of my mind, trying to keep myself happy. However, it was only a matter of time, and when reality once more reared its ugly head, it hit hard. And this time, I couldn't beat it back...reality was right. And because neither accepted the true reality of the matter, it made it very hard. And because we refused to accept it, feelings were hurt...constantly. I can't apologize enough for feeling like I've been dragging you along. And I was scared I'd lose my best friend as a result.
We talked today, and even though we hate it, reality wins this one...and we must accept the situation and move on. We both feel somewhat better, and I know it'll take some time, but I no longer feel like I'm gonna vomit because I'm so worried. I feel better somewhat, but not fully. I'm relieved that I won't lose her wonderful friendship...and she won't lose mine.
It'll be ok. All it needs is some time.
(big hugs)
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