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Planned rant.
Wednesday, 19 January 2005 21:47That rant I said that was pending? Here it is. And this one centers around my stepfather.
I've been home a month now, and in that time, much has happened. However, one thing has remained constant--my stepdad has been carrying around an attitude and a demeanor of total depression, stress, and anger. I've hardly seen him smile since I've been home. Yes, there are a lot of things on his mind to be stressful about--issues with his ex, who keeps trying hard to throw him in jail for stupid shit, outright lying to authorities to put him in jail, money matters, family matters. However, much of his stress is also self-inflicted, and it is these stresses that he can physically change. However, he hasn't taken the initiative to fix and amend those stresses, and he remains in his funk. Let me give you some examples. One major one--he works a night shift as a machinist, a profession he has done for most of his life. He works from 3 PM to 1 AM. He's not used to working nights. He's always had a day job. Because he works nights, he never gets to see any of the family or take part in family doings. So, it's a cause of stress. I have told him that if he's bummed about not seeing the family during the day, then take the initiative and find a day job, rather than keep his day job and remain in this funk. He has not done so. I have to give him the benefit, though--he's been a machinist most of his life. Finding a job like that is becoming harder and harder to find. Yet...he doesn't want to do anything else.
Related, he's what is called a "social hypochondriac," a person who makes up hypothetical, false (and almost always negative) situations about scenarios, and gets stressed from it. Basically, a person who's always questioning, "what if?" While he's gone, we carry out family life, we move on, have fun (or so he thinks) and partake of normal life. However, he's under the impression that we're all having fun because he's not here. This reasoning, in every sense of the word, is bullshit. And I told him so, that that wasn't entirely true.
As a result, he's bringing everyone else's mood down because he's always wearing a frown, and complaining about everything. Nothing makes him happy anymore. He also says little one-liners at times that piss me off, and others as well. For example--my aunt Matilda was talking about what she plans on doing for dinner over the weekend, something with ribs. Bob replies, "don't count me--I'm not part of the family goings-on. Don't include me." A few days ago, Grandma was trying to plan the night's dinner, and Bob says, "don't talk about dinner. Don't share the goodness with me--I'm not deserving of it." Last week, when I was fixing the PS2, I used the small TV that belonged to Mikey for use on his Xbox. Mikey was being impatient and wanted the TV back. Bob said, "next time, don't use their stuff. Use our stuff." That pissed David off. And then, today. Yesterday I bought pizza for everyone and offered Bob some. He takes it to work, and as I'm making myself some food, Bob comes into the kitchen with the Ziploc containing the pizza, looks at me and says, "worst pizza I've ever put in my mouth." Way to make me feel good about spending money on you, Bob.
Another issue causing him stress--his health. For a long time now, his teeth have been hurting, aching. Years of dental neglect finally bit him in the ass, and now his teeth are screaming for mercy. He needs to go to the dentist. However, personal fears and affordability (read: lack of dental insurance) prevent him from doing so. He has no dental insurance, which means a trip to the dentist will cost much money--money that he's gonna want to come out of who's pockets? Rob and mine. Also, he's on his way to glaucoma, which is something he can't really help. Which brings me into my next example: money. He has major problems with money--he loves to spend it, and when comes time to pay bills, he's short on cash. He demands that Rob pay $400 a month rent. Sorry, but this icebox isn't worth $400, let alone $200. So, who will he turn to when he needs money for bills and other expenditures of his? Grandma, Rob, and soon me. He doesn't know how to save money. And it's gonna come out of my pocket, money that I will need to attack the $14,000 in debt I have accrued over the last year and a half. I am NOT going to let him put me into legal trouble and bad credit because he needs money. I'm sorry. I've got a life, I've got things to save for, and debts to pay. Rob's also now saving to get out of here too. I swear, if Bob's need for money gets me in legal trouble, there will be hell to pay. I have to talk to him soon about my own financial situation, and how much I can give to the house as "rent." It'll probably be something small, or not at all.
His attitude is bringing everyone down...he's looking for sympathy. However, he needs to get the initiative to change his situation. However...he's stubborn. His pride will get in the way, and anything said might be taken as an attack on him, and he'll get defensive. He will do things his own way, regardless of us trying to help him.
Sounds like someone I know...
[/end rant]
I've been home a month now, and in that time, much has happened. However, one thing has remained constant--my stepdad has been carrying around an attitude and a demeanor of total depression, stress, and anger. I've hardly seen him smile since I've been home. Yes, there are a lot of things on his mind to be stressful about--issues with his ex, who keeps trying hard to throw him in jail for stupid shit, outright lying to authorities to put him in jail, money matters, family matters. However, much of his stress is also self-inflicted, and it is these stresses that he can physically change. However, he hasn't taken the initiative to fix and amend those stresses, and he remains in his funk. Let me give you some examples. One major one--he works a night shift as a machinist, a profession he has done for most of his life. He works from 3 PM to 1 AM. He's not used to working nights. He's always had a day job. Because he works nights, he never gets to see any of the family or take part in family doings. So, it's a cause of stress. I have told him that if he's bummed about not seeing the family during the day, then take the initiative and find a day job, rather than keep his day job and remain in this funk. He has not done so. I have to give him the benefit, though--he's been a machinist most of his life. Finding a job like that is becoming harder and harder to find. Yet...he doesn't want to do anything else.
Related, he's what is called a "social hypochondriac," a person who makes up hypothetical, false (and almost always negative) situations about scenarios, and gets stressed from it. Basically, a person who's always questioning, "what if?" While he's gone, we carry out family life, we move on, have fun (or so he thinks) and partake of normal life. However, he's under the impression that we're all having fun because he's not here. This reasoning, in every sense of the word, is bullshit. And I told him so, that that wasn't entirely true.
As a result, he's bringing everyone else's mood down because he's always wearing a frown, and complaining about everything. Nothing makes him happy anymore. He also says little one-liners at times that piss me off, and others as well. For example--my aunt Matilda was talking about what she plans on doing for dinner over the weekend, something with ribs. Bob replies, "don't count me--I'm not part of the family goings-on. Don't include me." A few days ago, Grandma was trying to plan the night's dinner, and Bob says, "don't talk about dinner. Don't share the goodness with me--I'm not deserving of it." Last week, when I was fixing the PS2, I used the small TV that belonged to Mikey for use on his Xbox. Mikey was being impatient and wanted the TV back. Bob said, "next time, don't use their stuff. Use our stuff." That pissed David off. And then, today. Yesterday I bought pizza for everyone and offered Bob some. He takes it to work, and as I'm making myself some food, Bob comes into the kitchen with the Ziploc containing the pizza, looks at me and says, "worst pizza I've ever put in my mouth." Way to make me feel good about spending money on you, Bob.
Another issue causing him stress--his health. For a long time now, his teeth have been hurting, aching. Years of dental neglect finally bit him in the ass, and now his teeth are screaming for mercy. He needs to go to the dentist. However, personal fears and affordability (read: lack of dental insurance) prevent him from doing so. He has no dental insurance, which means a trip to the dentist will cost much money--money that he's gonna want to come out of who's pockets? Rob and mine. Also, he's on his way to glaucoma, which is something he can't really help. Which brings me into my next example: money. He has major problems with money--he loves to spend it, and when comes time to pay bills, he's short on cash. He demands that Rob pay $400 a month rent. Sorry, but this icebox isn't worth $400, let alone $200. So, who will he turn to when he needs money for bills and other expenditures of his? Grandma, Rob, and soon me. He doesn't know how to save money. And it's gonna come out of my pocket, money that I will need to attack the $14,000 in debt I have accrued over the last year and a half. I am NOT going to let him put me into legal trouble and bad credit because he needs money. I'm sorry. I've got a life, I've got things to save for, and debts to pay. Rob's also now saving to get out of here too. I swear, if Bob's need for money gets me in legal trouble, there will be hell to pay. I have to talk to him soon about my own financial situation, and how much I can give to the house as "rent." It'll probably be something small, or not at all.
His attitude is bringing everyone down...he's looking for sympathy. However, he needs to get the initiative to change his situation. However...he's stubborn. His pride will get in the way, and anything said might be taken as an attack on him, and he'll get defensive. He will do things his own way, regardless of us trying to help him.
Sounds like someone I know...
[/end rant]
