Why waste a peanut?
Wednesday, 25 August 2004 23:24![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
a_bit_of_wit_2Hmm...the homesick feeling still lingers with me. Very badly, I want to be back at NP, and playing DDR last night by myself brought back those fun times, mostly with Wyatt and his love (or carnal lust) for DDR. It's just not as fun by yourself as it is with everyone else. It won't be too much longer, friends.
Anyway, when I woke up, I heard the sounds of power equipment--Bob's new shed had arrived, and it was being assembled. Big friggin' shed, too. A beautiful morning, nice and cool, temps in the low 70s, and breezy. I was outside with the family as the shed was being put up, and at the appointed time, I got ready for work, whereupon thereafter, the rest of the morning until I got to work was marred. I came outside, dressed, ready to go, Wal-Mart vest in hand, waiting for Bob to take me to work. Then he says, "it's like they expect rides to work." And so, when Bob was good and ready (which was around 20 minutes after 12) he took me to work, and I felt quite pissed. Fine. If that's the way he feels, I'll just bike to work. No problem. If I'm being a financial burden, just tell me, and I'll find another way to work. But don't say shit like that. And this is why I hate being dependent on people for anything--money, transportation, etc, because it always ends up biting me in the ass somehow. I'm not putting down all of you wonderful people whom I've come to call friend, not at all, but...I hope you see my reasoning. When some of you offered me money to stay in NP for those two semesters, I wanted to take it, very badly so...but that fear of it coming back to get me as it has done so many times hinders that. As it did again today.
I've begun to notice a serious change in my stepfather...on my way to work, I came to realize...that I've hardly seen him smile all summer. Most of the time, his brow is furrowed, always in thought, looking irritable. And I know why, and I can't put the blame to him: it's this house. No, it's not this house--it's the over-abundance of residents, and the constant insanity of having to discipline his brother's children, the kids getting into disputes over the most silly of shit, not to mention the unemployment issue. Back in Ramapo, when it consisted of Bob, Mom, Heather, Rob, Jen, and myself, he was happier. Nowhere near as much stress as now. Now...with 12 people total in the same house, the stress is wearing on everyone, and I see it in Bob. Trouble is, he doesn't contain his stress well, and everyone feels it...and it's getting me annoyed. Really, while I love everyone who lives in this house, I really wish that someone would move out...this is getting a little much. Really, I want my uncle's family to move out. Not so much my aunt and uncle...but the freakin' kids. So much friction has been caused between those kids, and I've had enough. And they all wonder why I'm down here so much...you know it's sad when I find work as my escape.
Sometimes, I wish I could drop all obligations, and just leave. Leave me in peace, surrounded by people who actually have brains, or just find someplace where I could lay back, relax, be loved, not having to worry about feeling like a burden, and actually feeling like I belong.
I hope the next 10 days go by posthaste.
Anyway, when I woke up, I heard the sounds of power equipment--Bob's new shed had arrived, and it was being assembled. Big friggin' shed, too. A beautiful morning, nice and cool, temps in the low 70s, and breezy. I was outside with the family as the shed was being put up, and at the appointed time, I got ready for work, whereupon thereafter, the rest of the morning until I got to work was marred. I came outside, dressed, ready to go, Wal-Mart vest in hand, waiting for Bob to take me to work. Then he says, "it's like they expect rides to work." And so, when Bob was good and ready (which was around 20 minutes after 12) he took me to work, and I felt quite pissed. Fine. If that's the way he feels, I'll just bike to work. No problem. If I'm being a financial burden, just tell me, and I'll find another way to work. But don't say shit like that. And this is why I hate being dependent on people for anything--money, transportation, etc, because it always ends up biting me in the ass somehow. I'm not putting down all of you wonderful people whom I've come to call friend, not at all, but...I hope you see my reasoning. When some of you offered me money to stay in NP for those two semesters, I wanted to take it, very badly so...but that fear of it coming back to get me as it has done so many times hinders that. As it did again today.
I've begun to notice a serious change in my stepfather...on my way to work, I came to realize...that I've hardly seen him smile all summer. Most of the time, his brow is furrowed, always in thought, looking irritable. And I know why, and I can't put the blame to him: it's this house. No, it's not this house--it's the over-abundance of residents, and the constant insanity of having to discipline his brother's children, the kids getting into disputes over the most silly of shit, not to mention the unemployment issue. Back in Ramapo, when it consisted of Bob, Mom, Heather, Rob, Jen, and myself, he was happier. Nowhere near as much stress as now. Now...with 12 people total in the same house, the stress is wearing on everyone, and I see it in Bob. Trouble is, he doesn't contain his stress well, and everyone feels it...and it's getting me annoyed. Really, while I love everyone who lives in this house, I really wish that someone would move out...this is getting a little much. Really, I want my uncle's family to move out. Not so much my aunt and uncle...but the freakin' kids. So much friction has been caused between those kids, and I've had enough. And they all wonder why I'm down here so much...you know it's sad when I find work as my escape.
Sometimes, I wish I could drop all obligations, and just leave. Leave me in peace, surrounded by people who actually have brains, or just find someplace where I could lay back, relax, be loved, not having to worry about feeling like a burden, and actually feeling like I belong.
I hope the next 10 days go by posthaste.
