Are you one for blaspheming? Possibly.

Well, tonight ended 5 straight days of Wally World, which passed rather quickly. Quite frankly, this week was not one of my better weeks, what with all the crap that happened this week regarding me not being able to go to Oklahoma as planned, feeling lonely and sad, April having issues with hormones, and work from both of us. Today, April text messaged me, urgency in the message. Something was up, and I called her immediately. Apparently, her manager doesn't seem to want to give her the time off to be able to see me. Meanwhile, on my end, my request for time off was done, signed, and approved. So, April cried, and one of her fellow workers came to her defense, and hopefully her manager will change her mind and give her off so she can see me, damn it. Because...if that doesn't happen, then a couple of backups: she moves around her days off and moves everything back a day, and comes up here...or, I go to NP, requiring me to take 1 or 2 more days off.

Keep in mind, we're not letting this one die. Because I can't ask for time in March (since my manager's not allowing it), the next time I'll see April is for her birthday in April...and I'll be damned if we go nearly 4 months without seeing each other. As April put it, that's just totally unacceptable. You know...we don't ask for much at work. I hardly ever ask for time off--hell, I've only taken 2 sick days ever, and both April and I are busting our asses without asking for more than our deserved wages and hours. You'd think managers take that into consideration when all we want is a weekend, for crying out loud.

So, I'm glad for my day off, a one-day break from the week's shit. Now I listen to the music of the night. Close your eyes for your eyes will only tell the truth, and the truth isn't what you want to see...in the dark, it is easy to pretend that the truth is what it ought to be.

Music does caress me.

So, I bought MTV Music Generator 3 for the PS2, and so my basement will become a studio. (grins) I can't wait to play with it. I got home, and finally decided to do what my stepdad asked me to do...write up a budget for myself. So I did, and as it turns out, after all my mandatory bills and monies allocated to the apartment account get done for the month...I'm left with a net gain of about $150. And this is not taking into account what my stepdad wants me to pay for rent, probably the same as what my stepbrother pays for this tiny icebox--$400 a month. Plain and simple, he's not getting it. Oh, will Bob be in for a rude awakening when he does find out that I'm not paying what he probably will want. I simply can't afford it. Which means that if you guys hear a sonic boom and see my body flying over the sky--you'll know what happened. Rob and I talked for a long time about what we're gonna do with our various money situations regarding the Bob. One plan that Rob had, which actually I liked, but...after doing my budget, couldn't work: both of us give $200 to the Bob. I can't budget for that. I'm putting half of my income into the "apartment" account. No less. And knowing Bob, he's going to probably suggest that I don't put that much (between $550-600 a month) into that particular account. Tough shit. And you know what I think is going to happen when Bob realizes that he's getting very little from me? Probably bash me verbally, throwing all of the "Jew" stereotypes and slurs, guilt-inducing metaphors, and probably view me as a selfish prick. How do I come to this conclusion? Because he's done it before whenever I've tried to keep my own money.

I also could be totally wrong, and all my speculation and hypotheses will all be for naught, and Bob will understand...but I doubt it.

Today, he tried to imply that he doesn't want me becoming a "mooch," living off the house for free, putting gas money into the cars, putting in what he thinks I should. In doing so, he bashed Rob, calling him a liar and a thief. Yet, this comes after his latest issue to me about how now I'll start needing to find my own ride from work. There's almost always one car here at all times. All I ask of anyone in this house is that I get a ride from a ride to and from work, but apparently that's too much to ask. So, I'm faced with some options there: either ask a friend of mine to drive me home every night, walk/bike home, or just let things keep going at their current situation: Mom or Rob uses Grandma's car to come get me, and watch Bob get more and more pissed at me. Once again, you see why I don't like depending on others--it comes back to bite me, especially in this house. Apparently I can't even ask for a ride to and from work without flack.

You're gonna tell me what I already know: I need to get out of here. I know that. I can't, just yet.

But hey, you know what? I have a plan, a plan that I intend on adhering to for as long as it takes. A budget and an excellent idea of how I'm gonna want my monies partitioned. If everything works out in life as I've predicted on paper, I'll be in good shape for the apartment come summer.

I'm looking out for myself now. I'm not supporting a family yet. When I have kids of my own and a house to support, then I'll worry about that. However, I'm not at that bridge yet. A life must be established first, preferably with April.

Business for tomorrow:

--deposit payment for textbooks into bank
--ship textbooks out at post office
--go to public library and get tax forms
--belt out singing while doing above 3 objectives
--do taxes
--hopefully a little RE4 and/or Music Generator 3


Sleep heading my way.

Nighty night, all.